Many times couples come to me to resolve their conflicts, to revive their sexuality or to live it from another place and I find out that they hardly spend quality time and share presence with each other.

It seems that there is no time in general to stop, to feel, to awaken the sensuality that arises naturally when one is present in the body and lets go of control.

There is time for work, schools, bank, arrangements, housework and leisure, but there is no time for true intimacy, for the timeless space that creates true intimacy and nutrition.
In the West we live dedicated to well-being, apparently to pleasure and comfort but I find a very great resistance to pleasure, joy and real ecstasy.

The requirements for the heart and body and soul to be filled with joy and ecstasy are for the heart to be relaxed, the body to be fluid and the soul free, and there has to be presence and vitality, awareness and love.

In practical terms, this means that there is time and freedom of concepts, concerns and expectations, and openness so that the energy is expressed freely and trust in whatever may happen in the moment.

What prevents us from letting go of control and giving up even just one hour a day or some moments during the day, to simply be, not to do, to be with your own Self and with the Self of the other?


Vídeo: Anderson & Brenda – Hormone soup (Spirit Bird)


You can make a meditative game from time to time that is called: I put myself in your hands surrender to feeling::

Take a few hours for each of you, in the same day or one day for one of you and the other on another occasion of meeting.
One surrenders, releases control of what is to happen and the other has the purpose of leading him to have tender, relaxing, pleasurable, joyful, blissful sensations, etc … Invite his nervous system to relax, open to joy, to surrender, to release control.

He who focuses and directs must do it from a place of relaxation, presence, listening, allowing himself to feel the other and inviting his energy to rest from the tension of control, the rigidity of control, the fear of letting go first and then to nourish and enjoy, to express and expand. To listen and feel the energy of the other and thus guide it, you have to improvise, you have to flow and create in the moment, you have to become consciousness being present and observe your own form of control and fear of not doing it well, of doing too much, too little, etc … We already know that tension, it’s old, continue breathing, flowing, feeling the body and the heart.

Involve your own body, feel, smell, breathe, dance, caress, rock, touch, sing, let your creativity unfold and take charge with love for you and the other and find your own pleasure in it.
If something does not please him or her, do not feel overwhelmed, just stop, feel your hands on the body, feel the natural intelligence and the dynamic silence of two bodies touching one another, feel the soul that connects through them, listen and let the feeling guide you. Give space to not knowing what will be the direction that will happen through you. You are the guide and for that you have to open up to be guided, not by the mind that is a servant, but by the present awareness.

The one who surrenders, lets go of any expectation, idea, control of what is going to happen, naturally still present in their body and listening to their feelings and sensations, validating and respecting them.

Give yourself permission to let go, to surrender, to not have to deal with anything, or decide, or judge, or compare, or analyse, or add, or remove. Your only responsibility is to become aware of your body and your emotions and of your Being, that is, to experience yourself, to allow yourself to surrender control, cry, enjoy, express, rest, let yourself be without the tension of being someone rigid and concrete and allow the other to direct you, pamper you and channel ways of intimate presence so that you feel, trust and enjoy.

Be present feeling the rhythm of your breathing, relax the exhalation, feel which parts are more relaxed, which get tense, how the pit of the stomach feels, the jaws the pelvic floor, the neck, … allow the thoughts to pass, tell your internal secretary to take a small vacation, that you will attend to the affairs of the world later and give yourself to this present moment with total presence and love for you.

This meditative game can lead to the sexual fire arising, if this happens focus more on relaxing and expanding the energy rather than on creating an intense arousal  that generates tension and contraction and seeks explosive liberation.
The guide maintains a present and meditative climate creating space for pleasure if it arises, keeping the attention on the breathing, expanding the energy throughout the body, with caresses, dancing with the bodies, creating vibrations with the voice, it is an infinite field of possibilities that appears if you stay in presence breathing and relaxing.

The guide can prepare the encounter space in the most comfortable and beautiful way you like, with music or whatever you want.

Before you begin, (you will have already decided who gives himself and who guides) sit quietly in front of each other at a distance that you to go inside yourself comfortably  and allow yourself to bring all your attention to the body, to the present moment, to feel life happening in the space of your consciousness. Enter into a loving presence within you and allow the space and silence of your Self to manifest and thoughts to dissipate like clouds.

It is not an exercise of domination, it is not about pushing or bending their will, or giving orders, that is another research topic.
Here the premise is to surrender to the subtleties of pleasure, to feel the subtleties in your way of controlling the energy, tensing it, holding it, judging it, etc … and learn to surrender from relaxation and trust. That way we are not creating the adrenaline of contractive arousal, which is pleasant but not nutritious; it does not encourage love, nor trust, nor peace and we open the door for this precious energy to expand, full of endless creative ways, or of the energy to rest deeply with the confidence that it is being witnessed and guided with love.

Be complicit in the game and not opponents, say whatever may be necessary, sing, recite poetry, listen to the silence, the warmth of the body, the rhythm of the heart, feel the breath, the hairs on the arm, the softness of the earlobe, etc …

Discover the beauty of surrendering to this present moment by allowing yourself to be embraced by life.
Be aware of your resistance to let go of control to simply enjoy feeling in full presence. For some it’s a frightening experience at the beginning, for others it’s a deep longing that they don’t allow themselves to experience, for each one, the way they learned to protect themselves from love is different, to become soft and fluffy and to feel that vertigo and that vulnerability.

With love